Could you imagine if a Skynet machine combination of Bob Ross and Chuck Norris were built? It would rule the universe with a soft spoken fan brush of kung fu dominance
It would be truly incredible. I hope we are blessed with this being in our lifetime.
I didnt pay $190 for a fake with a new middle name of Vane..
I just five second ruled a donut I dropped at starbucks, everyones staring
she texted him the burrito order while she was puking in the Del Taco parking lot...
period poops. best. ever.
omigod im sitting here with ben and he and i both got that...chick you totally just mass texted that...
some random kid just walked into our apartment with two cases... I don't know who he is but I like him
Passed out in a rocking chair on her porch. Woke up to the tow truck taking away my car.
I guess I really am the only person in this world who can successfully have a no-strings-attached threesome on the beach.
I've been drinking vodka for the last 12 hours at the beach and can't see straight and have awesome hair.
LIFE IS #1 SOMETIMES
I think it's a scientific achievement that I can make jelly that is 95% vodka so suck it up.
He said I looked like a ballsack and I tried to choke him out with my Ghostbusters pajama pants. Happy fucking Halloween.
Lesson learned. No more vodka and toaster strudel
No ambien sex tonight. I just ate two hotdogs with chilli and onions.
Last night when we were having sex he put the condom on backwards the first time. While he was putting the second one on I blew up the first one, made it into a balloon and hit him in the head with it. I think we're over the honeymoon stage.
Seriously though, I walked in and he was holding my cat in the air singing "the circle of life"...
Randomize