This is why you don't make out with cougars at a bar... I got a linkedin request from her, wtf?
his cum shot went directly into his bellybutton. felt like i was playin ski ball
Just heard the new 'We are the world' ... Can I get my 10 bucks for Haiti back?
Do you think if I puke at the gym they think is because I'm going hard walking on the treadmill?
it will be an insanely irresponsible summer.the only things i plan on not doing are dying and getting pregnant.and even those are negotiable
And when he pulled me off the bathroom floor, he just looked at the cat litter stuck to my chin and said "oh sweetie" and shook his head. I think my dad's officially given up hope.
He made off the wall shots in beer pong, stuck the girls dog in a cooler, and played with swords with her mom. I wish I got his name
Dude, the chicks a procotolgy intern. Don't cheat on her. She knows where it hurts the most.
Oh I already celebrated valentine's day. I stayed up until 4 AM listening to biggie, drinking rum, and caressing all my girl curves in front of the mirror. And then I came 3 times.
Everyone is now just referring to it as "the night Hannah couldn't get laid" so needless to say you didn't miss much
There are only four things in life that are certain. 1 Death, 2 Taxes, 3 The wu tang clan aint nothin to fuck with, and 4 you will never be more important than taco bell
Can you technically cross something off your bucket list if you don't, per say, remember it....?
Matt's offering to breast feed it.
I was just at the gas station and happened to look left and see a girl blowing some guy. How was your night?
I swear it’s like he’s filling my soul via my vagina
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