sometimes i wonder what i would do without sheltered catholic girls w/ overprotective parents
never have sex?
I like how my family gatherings are basically an ugly sweater party just with better beer and wine...
I kinda volunteered your dick to help her deal with her virginity issues. Figured you wouldn't mind.
LSHMSFOAIDMT = laughing so hard my sombrero falls off and I drop my taco.
The US State Dept doesn't need to know I'm a high strung drunken whore.
It's all coming back to me. I drank moonshine from a milk carton from a guy named tomohawk last night.
The less fucks you give, the more fucks you get. Kinda like "a penny saved is a penny earned" but with vagina.
I just told him he had gained a new brother. He immediately knew I meant the eskimo kind.
Dude you of all people would miss her giving him a handjob in front of the whole party
Direct quote from her that tipped me off I was getting some: "I want to jump on his shoulders and wrap my legs around his face"
I'm training him to sit when I whistle the tune from the hunger games. I'm going to be the coolest parent ever.
I've gotten 2 singers numbers, a 6'5 dude has promised to take me to Oktoberfest, and I spent the night w a pilot named Zeus who looks like caramel tastes. Also I sprained my thumb punching some guy I named 'hater'. I love Nashville
I just had sex with the male version of myself. looks, mindset, even our boob to dick ratio was the same
As he put it in he shouted "geronimo!"
Wow... So was the sex good?
Yeah but it doesn't matter. My vagina is not a pool.
What the hell was that?
Genius. It was sheer genius.
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