4:33 am: Sleep on left side of my bed. T-shirts are second drawer on left side, boxers top right. I don't wake up when lights are on so feel free in my room..
as soon as you compare a person to an animal, all sexual interest is out the window
Tonight i am praying for god to turn my pussy into apple pie because i cant count the number of times bruce chooses food over sex.
Do you have any idea how hard it is to cum to Chingy?!
Well we were just driving down the street, there was a realtor and a couple walking up the porch of a house for sale, mark sticks his head out, opens his mouth to say something, pukes all down the side of the car, pauses, and yells "THIS IS A PHENOMAL NEIGHBORHOOD YOURE GONNA LOVE IT"
I lost my phone so I put sticky notes all over my roommates body asking her to wake me up at 7:00 AM.
This is the second girl that said she wanted to fuck me while wearing a clown nose. Fuck online dating
Buying the inflatable beer pong table for the pool was one of the best investments I've ever made
he can get married early and ruin his life but he sure as hell isn't ruining mine with a shitty bachelor party
What's Spanish for "I shouldn't have worn these underwear to work?"
Well I didn't get a shacker shirt but I somehow managed to come home with superman socks
I wish so many great beards were not attached to even greater jerks. All that face sitting potential wasted. Some of the greatest tragedies of this century.
All I know is that I got to have an orgasm yesterday during sex so nobody can put a damper on my day, NOBODYYYYYY
I'm shrooming way too hard to deal with your bullshit at this particular point in time
She was calling him Bob Saget and asking him to buy her shots....how do you think the night went?
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