I love black thongs
Last night I walked out of the bar got in a cab asked the cabi to circle the block. he did and brought me right back to the bar. I paid him $7 thanked him and walked back into the bar.
If you can't do the LSAT hung over. You can't do the LSAT. That's the real practice.
I sat in the bathroom on the counter and gave out advice to all the random people that walked in
When you awake you'll realize that your car is missing....just know that I had it and becuz of your car I hooked up with the hot bar tender that looks like that guy from bay-watch however I parked it in a loading zone and it was towed...that sex was TOTALLY worth it love you
Also what is the name of Americas thing where we had a holy obligation to expand westward? I'm going name my new lighter that.
He's scared I want a relationship? How does texting him at three am and sleeping with four of my exes symbolize that?
I'm pretty sure I said "this might be the last time I'm in here" but then I took his pants off so that's a mixed message
I can always see lesbian subplot. It's my hero ability.
The only flat surface we had was a cheez it box so we snorted the blow off of that. Rock bottom really isn't that bad.
You're the only one to love me enough for me to admit the following: Rock-bottom sounds like sobbing to a Miley Cyrus song.
I'm eating your cookies as payment for having to listen to you. Happy sex
I've replaced you with thin mints and masturbation
You also spilled beer on my dog and tried to wipe it off with a paper towel but he kept getting away from you.
My mom and my boss just had a discussion on FB about the sexual habits of old people. The magic of the Internet.
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