Do you need to be saved?
No I think I'm God
I wish I only lived at night.
we should wear snuggies to the strip club
We need to stop celebrating holidays that dont belong to us
we were running to make last call and you stopped me and said very seriously "if i fall, go on without me. just make sure theres a beer in my hand when you go"
Hurricane Sex Time is the only thing iv said since it started.
Why is Kyle using one of my nieces as a blunt object to provoke and attack my other niece?
Let's be honest, your relationships fail because the man you're looking for is the equivalent of an intellectual blow-up doll.
Who knows? Maybe we can sing afternoon delight into each other's genitals.
No, your dick is problems. Anyone you fuck haunts us for the rest of the semester. If you need to get laid, I'll personally drive you out of state.
Jesus Christ I am the crazy cat lady of vibrators
Right now, there's some ten year old kid getting ready to go outside and play basketball. He will soon find out his basketball hoop was no match for my car.
Swish.
It's like everything I need in life within a five block radius: booze, toilets, dogs, dicks.
I was supposed to go on a date tonight but I cancelled because I found out the Lizzie McGuire movie is on Netflix.
Just got caught by my boss looking at porn on the work computer & he decided to utilize this time to look with me. Not sure if this is good or bad.
Randomize
