We got bored. So we went to planned parenthood to stare at everyone who made worse decisions than us last night.
do you know why "how to shave your balls" is bookmarked on my computer?
she bought me drinks at the bar, made me pizza at her place, gave me head, and then drove me home...i think i might propose
I'm not 100% sure, but I think someone gave me a bath last night...
I don't remember her missing an ear while we were at the bar
You "were" hungover, which is past tense. So that gives you no excuse not to go out tonight.
K, so let's go ahead and say that mcnugget and margarita Tuesday was a bad idea
My stomach literally has no contents left. Tequila cleanse=success.
When do you want to get tanked and forget our entire college education?
Girl I love you like I've been drinking all day
I'm sorry I didn't respond. I had a shit day. However, I just masturbated to Adele's Rolling In the Deep while crying. It was oddly therapeutic.
Well I passed out before 4:20 on 4/20 so I deem it a failure AND a success.
There is a video on my phone of me suckling a bag of wine from your crotch area while you say "The Body of Christ" in a Michigan accent. I vaguely remember being offended by this yet I did it anyway.
If you can endure a laser on the butthole, you can endure a wax on the butthole. Those are words to live by.
Don't come in. My door to my bathroom won't close because of the table and I'm pooping
Classy
Randomize
