i half slept with him but i still dont owe you any money
Ok so the guy below me is either having sex very loudly or is very lonely
Just made a makeshift menthol by rolling a listerine strip into a regular cigarette... Poor? Who, me?
I don't want end up bound and gagged in the back of a van headed for rehab. Bound and gagged OK. Just not the rehab part.
Yeah, she tried to drown her but then they hooked up.
I was so stoned on the way to work, I pretended you were in the car with me. We sang "Mrs. Jackson" by outkast.
I'm doing lines by myself in the kitchen. I think your outside. yeah that's you. your naked.
The narcoleptic neighbor conked out while taking her dog out again. Drinking game based on what the dog does and how long she's out. You in?
So I feel like I should have had a going away party for your dick. Complete with balloons and cake. Yeahh that's right. I'm gonna miss it.
What's the procedure for answering a booty call from someone under house arrest?
You came out in nothing but lingerie and a Jedi robe claiming you needed more of those baby hot dog things or you were gonna go all Sith on us
You "drove" the computer chair around the party for a good fifteen minutes. you would crash into things, freak out, and yell for an ambulance.
meow
use your words like a big girl
i ran over your cat.
How's work going?
Boring. I have a cat on a leash right now
Learned two new lessons today: 1) Do not identify pills found in one's car by taking them to see what happens, especially while at work, and 2) There is no logical reason to keep ambien in one's vehicle...
Randomize
