That was definitely a porn plot just waiting to develop...
You know you have a great job when you need a DD home from work at 6pm.
West Wing DVD drinking game: drink whenever they waqlk around a lot. I LOVE POLITICS SO MUCH
It just feels wrong masturbating with my neighbor's cat in my apartment
My dad got me a charm braclet....his way of trying to support my gayness....
I feel like somebody ate me, then shit me into my bed.
At least she'll always have a story about the time she showed up to the emergency room drunk and covered in chocolate syrup on her birthday.
The only alcohol in the house was a bottle of Sherry. It's like cough syrup that I shotgunned off Strawberry Shortcake's ass.
My attorney has my name in her roldex as need to hit that. Im gonna win my case
I paid your brother in tostitos to drive me home.
Mom just sent me an email. The subject line is "How to avoid a urinary tract infection"
LET IT GO MOM
He told me to take off work and bring a bathing suit. If this doesn't involve six flags hurricane harbor or sex in a hotel pool I'm going to be disappointed.
A guy from tinder a while ago who sent me dick pics straight out the gate is a tech on my dad's hospital floor. I was wondering why he looked familiar and why he never took my dads vitals when I was in the room
Either it didn’t do much damage or I’ve lost all feeling in my asshole
I just woke up with a cowboy hat on my face and a playboy from the 90s on my chest
Randomize
