dude...i just woke up in ****'s bed!
doesn't he have a girlfriend???
yeah...who do you think woke us up...
I just wasted my iTunes Gift Card on a season pass for Hannah Montana. Bad decision?
you said you couldnt let go of the fence because your hand was molding to it.
You are the only person I know that goes to a bar enough to charge your iPhone there....
All of our toilets in my house are broken. Thank God I've practiced peeing in the sink enough.
She bellyflopped onto the poolside bar, broke one wine bottle, and stole another...the resort staff just frowned and cleaned up her mess.
we got cut off at 8 am. He spilled his drink three times on the plane. this should be one hell of a vegas trip
I recommend you throw your keys as far as you can in one direction, your phone as far as you can in the opposite direction, and hold on.
I really hope the fuck ferry pays me a visit to close out 2011 properly.
I can't in good conscience help you bag a Catholic girl who isn't at least a 7.
There seems no grander way to celebrate 420 than to smoke atop a mountain peak.
So my roommate just came out of the shower with a dude...guess that answers all questions as to whether or not he's gay
Is there a hallmark card for "could you please slide the FUCK out of my DMs"....?
skyped with him for 45 min in the bath while i shaved my legs. new level in the relashionship
Apparently I gave a guy a hand job on the dance floor. ON THE DANCE FLOOR.
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