im surounded by vag. Like smog aound LA, i am suffocating in an atmosphere of pussy
Just woke up wearing a top hat and simpsons boxers. i also found more money in my wallet then what i had before going out, about $1000 more
You got in a fight last night?
Yeah! Some dude in the bathroom...he was standing there and I notice he's got the same shirt as me on so I'm like...dude you should have called me, we look like idiots...he didn't say anything...so i got pissed and hit him...completely decimated and my hand was all bloody and covered with glass afterward...weird dude, never saw him again that night or since.
Um...Did this guy happen to look almost exactly like you?
Remember that one time i smeared period blood on your face?
I hate you
He was actually able to throw up in the bucket from the top bunk. im impressed.
just heard a tri-delta girl talking about her drunken escapades last weekend...it's like the exact plotline to a hardcore porno.
he made me scream out "#24" while we fucked...no more football players
I miss waking up, opening the closet downstairs, and finding you inside passed out.
My number one goal in life is to find out who can fill a keg with Popov
Dude, fuck the siberian warm up. You can't put vodka in hot chocolate. Learn from my mistakes
Okay. But I hope it isn't expensive lingerie. Because I'm ripping it off Hulk Hogan style.
I feel like my map app knows I'm hungover and is strategically not driving me by fast food places so I cannot stop
He meowed while sucking on my nipple, it got even weirder when he said he was trying to moo.
I really need to stop having sex.. I haven't been able to get a brush through the back of my hair for a good week and a half
Y'all let us switch shirts in the middle of 200 people....why did you let me get this drunk by noon?
Randomize
