Great. There's a birthday party at work today. Now I can stand around and feel uncomfortable for an hour.
she's about as cool as a sandpaper handjob.
I wish I could drop acid with the muppets
low key just jizzed in a chinese food container
I just signed a document stating that I would dd all summer if they would go pickup food.
Sunscreen. In my vag. I hate summer sex.
MY DOG FOUND A BAG OF COKE ON THE SIDE OF THE ROAD!!!!!!!!!!!
AND ITS GOOD STUFF TOO!!!!!! AHHH!!!!!!
i get of class at 4. it takes me 17 minutes to walk home and 3 to load a bowl. thank you, priority registration.
THE CONDOM ONLY COVERS HALF OF HIS DICK I AM IN THE BATHROOM PANICKING
I sobered up and saw I was with the fat one and you had left laughing with the hot one. You're a terrible wingman, but an excellent manipulator
Neighbour is sobbing. Difficult to masturbate.
I gave him a BJ and he left. Coincidentally that's the name of my memoir.
If drinking had a "new high score" I think I hit it this weekend.
One day soon I'll learn the difference between a good high and way too high. Today is not the day.
I don't WANT a sex disease! Especially one assigned to me by my supervisor..
Randomize
