She'll never know what hit her
I dunno. Girls tend to recognize ball-to-chin contact.
So the waitress at the Chinese Buffet totally just said "Adios" to a Hispanic couple. There's something you don't see every day.
you know what sucks? talking to chicks you dont want to have sex with
Just found 2 diff. colored pubes in my underwear..new record.
unrelatedly i think im gonna download boogie nights just to see mark wahlberg's penis
Karaoke into a bottle of boones. dear summer in alabama, glad to see you again.
Brilliant thought; pill pong.
What could go wrong?
I had him autograph the condom wrapper.
You called me at 3 am and I rode my flat ass bike that I dug out of my garage in the dark to meet you at dunkin donuts for a 10 minute convo about your mother and you didn't drive me home.
you owe me a blunt and a bottle of moscato.
IM WAITING BITCH. ANSWER ME.
omg sorry but i tried to stop you when you were at your drunk limit but i took my eyes off you for like 2 seconds and you suddenly appeared with hard liquor in both hands for yourself and downed them and it was downhill from there
Goddamn it Peter ur the only person i know who can make going down on a girl a competition.
She won. Twice.
Didn't shower and drew a couple dicks on my face before I went to work. Boss sent me home. Sacrificed my dignity for a 3 day weekend with you guys.
22 is way too old to still be having "thank god I think I'm getting my period" days
I need to bang the neighbor boy. He’s given three women screaming orgasms this week alone.
Also, my apartment walls are too thin
I’m sorry my lady boner messed up your mojo!!
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