Did your girl go home? Did she have fun? Can we have our friend back?
she came over and started getting naked and said its not like i came over to just hang out
youve hit the jackpot
what the fuck. my fiance told me she called our wedding band last night and told them to perform "best i ever had" for our first dance
And whoever invented the condom should be put to death.
I really shouldn't have to apologize. It was your own damn fault for opening a tab at the bar and telling me about it.
Ima go for a jog. and I'm going to jog until I throw up a lung. then I'll crawl home.
It was like you were trying to communicate only you were using every letter of the alphabet but in no order and in a different language
I'm about to pick up E from underneath a random doormat.......how is this remotely normal?
You have no idea what this goes for my ego. I literally made you cum in your sleep.
There's still helium in the tank I found in the garbage outside the bar!
What kind of scumbag goes to a baby's 1st birthday party with a black eye? This kind. Me. I'm disgraceful.
If waking up at 6 50 pm every day and getting invited to go have sex as you wake up is what alcoholism is like I can get use to this.
he came to me for relationship advice and we ended up fucking in my backseat
Let he who has not made drunken spaghetti at 3 a.m. cast the first stone.
Why were you naked on your bathroom floor?
It was a "get entirely naked to take a shit" kind of blackout I think.
Randomize
