i have absolutely no control over my now miserable and whore-ish lifestyle.
dude i just heard a girl tell another girl 'what part of im trying to get laid tonight dont u understand?'
needless to say i wont be back home tonight
So you had sex with my brother?
It sounds like you dont need me to answer that.
To say the least, now you know you're a proper lady, passing a field sobriety test in heels...
We fed your dog hot wings then gave it some Bud light to drink. You're right. Dogs are fun.
I thought my dog was a polar bear. I kept asking how the north pole was this time of year.
She just told me she thinks she bruised her labia in class
He said he looked out his window and I was sitting in the grass with blood everywhere talking to a dog.
It's a good thing you're straight. You'd make a horrible lesbian.
You either got a dog, or you have a boy over. I can't tell from the noises which it is.
I JUST SAW MY THERAPIST OUTSIDE OF WORK AND I DONT KNOW THE ADULT THING TO DO
On the way home she told me she was in kindergarten when 9/11 happened
A real best friend would support the hoe in me. Not remind me of what happened the last time I slept with a boss
you had her IN YOUR BED NO PANTS AND YOU GAVE HER THW BOOT?!?!?!
Stage five clinger bro. had to go.
My new roommate looks like a troll. Or a serial killer. So if I disappear, show this text to the cops.
Randomize
