She always acts like she's doing me a favor with a hand job. I've been giving myself hand jobs for almost 20 years.
Woke up with pink eye in both my eyes. That's how the threesome went
its like accelerated beer pong for children.....we train champions young
Oh god the guy I took underwear from at the bar is trying to add me as a friend on facebook now.
The amount of guys who just came into the room to give me a high five after hooking up with him was about 5 too many.
if it doesnt flame it aint got game is a bad drinking motto eyebrow-wise.
eyebrows regrow, your balls dont
Just saw the ex while I was at CVS at 3am buying Depends for my heavy flow
Plus my dignity needs a night alone with me.... Oh that's right. I lost it last night
I was trying to drink every time they said planned parenthood but my body isn't cut out for this.
You wanna see what happens when frozen corn meets an unhappy Andrew's face?
i want george washington to fuck me as hard as he can holy shit
I'm so horny right now but I JUST put my fuckin lasagna in the oven
If dispatch calls for us tell them I'm having a significant emotional event in the restroom
Dude, you fell into a tree, and both of the tables, AND the window well... Resilient aren't you?
FYI - Don’t go in the downstairs bathroom. Ryan is passed out naked on the floor with a raging hard on.
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