I'm sitting at the gyno watching cnn in the waiting room
Everyone is walking funny when they come out, ugh I'm not looking forward to this
I dont shave on purpose to keep myself from being slutastic!! it usually works
i just had a dream that i could control how black Will Smith was with a remote.i need to stop sleeping with the TV on
would you consider him our boss?
technically yes
then technically i slept with our boss
i know you like preteen girls so i'm gonna offer you some advice...dump a bucket of glitter on yourself and walk into the sunlight. they will come running.
well the night couldnt get much worse after she peed all over herself and the sidewalk.
I had to explain to my dentist that my tooth was chipped because we designated my mouth as the official way to open beer. I feel like our level of partying is no longer socially acceptable.
WHY ARE YOU SMOKING WEED WHEN YOU JUST HAD A STROKE. AND MORE IMPORTANTLY WHY ARE YOU DOING IT WITHOUT ME.
Nothing like the It's a Small World ride at Disneyland to remind you to take your birth control. I took it on the boat yesterday
I have to sanitize my nipples and its just to cold in here for it to be ok
Reached a new low last night. Passed out. With my pants down. On the toilet. At ihop. Waitress had to wake me up.
He said he actually "met" me for the first time through a picture his housemate had of me, drunk and passed out in a pool of my own vomit, on the floor of his basement.
Who suggested the eggnog wet t-shirt contest last night like whose idea was that
Speaking
Are there edibles for sale in the Denver airport because if so bring those to my mouth
Well the hawks lost... so, of course, the only logical course of action was a bonfire in the middle of the street.
Randomize
