Sometimes when i'm at a cross roads in life, i think about what i would want my lifetime movie to show what i did
Just turned elections for the sorority into a drinking game. Right on.
..i think i can hear you losing your virginity
Stop making all the ice cubes only big enough to fit in your bong. It takes like 3 trays for a glass of ice water
he's listed in a fb relationship with a girl born in 1993. i'm too drunk to do the math on that one, but i am sober enough to know that's illegal
You can't just send the picture of my vagina back to me, 2 months after we broke up, and make small talk out of it.
Doubtful. That seems irresponsible. The 4th will kill you if you stopped drinking until then. Let's think logically.
I put an asterick after the names of people in my phone that I've fucked. Both as a form of bragging, and also so I can actually remember all their names.
yes, i was eatting raw cookie dough and fingering myself at the same time.... is there a problem?
Did you make me take pictures of your ass last night because you fucked on some wet paint or did i dream that?
How can I explain how nice he is to you? ...like, I'm going to have to have my world famous why being a douche is sexy talk.
She gave me what I will now dub a "hurricane sandy". Loud, wet and sloppy BJ that made me want to stay home and complain about shit on the Internet
That's why you bone lesbian cage fighters and 45 year olds. To make life less boring.
don't judge but I think I'm gonna go fuck a dad this weekend
I don't think he knows you can have sex sober...
Randomize
