Ya! She had a north face on tho so she was a classy hooker.
Dude, she told me she wanted to bang my dad. I don't know which is worse, the fact that she wants to or the fact that she told me.
they just started filling water ballons with vodka.
on my way.
Pissing in la rieve gfox. Jer zsyuis diu drunk but it felt amazunbg
Dans le librearie ivetre. Hjhaha
He somehow managed to bang-mail me last night. I woke up this morning to a voicemail from 1:54 a.m. of moaning and screaming. I now know how talented he is and how annoying I am to have sex with.
She alternated between blowing me and feeding me bites of the sandwich she made for me.
I'm glad we are bonding over both contracting clamidya. Winners.
100%
He's getting me an energy drink and said good morning beautiful. He must sense i'm cutting him off from the sex.
I lost all of my bathing suit tops.. This is both a success and a failure
I pretty much told him I was too sober for this an just walked away and all I heard was "IT'S BECAUSE IM A BAD KISSER ISN'T IT" OVER AND OVER AGAIN
I saved him in my phone as "Well-Hung Burrito Savior." I love Taco Tuesday.
Also, I just opened Google to find the lyrics to California Gurls. Karaoke night did us dirty.
Consider yourself lucky. If I ever run into my ex, all I'll be able to think is, "I let you pee on me and lead me around on a leash."
Fuck it, I'm going to make my own dick pic album since iOS 10 won't do it for me.
I either have food poisoning or I'm pregnant. Either way, I NEED JESUS!
Randomize
