Dude, this chick just tossed my salad hard. All that I could picture was a dog trying to get the last of the peanut butter out of the jar of Jiff and trying not to think of how grotesque my last dump was.
Then she tried to kiss me and I wouldn't and she got pissed off and went to sleep. Then about an hour later, her kid called her. She went home and on the way out I told her to wash her mouth before she kissed her kid good night. Weird night..
we made out on top of his cat.
did you mean anything you said last night? i just wnna know
no
I managed to throw up 90 feet under water, just removed my breathing tube, puked, put it back in. All inclusive is the way to go.
Just facebooked the guy whose name you're yelling in there. So you're aware, his interests include "swearing at babies" and "Ice luge"
It probably isn't a good idea to go home with last night's hookup's brother. And sister.
Probably is probably an understatement.
I just wanted to share with you that my life has come to naked arts and crafts, to fix my flask, with a rum and coke in my hand... Good luck on your exam
Nothing like running into your favorite bartender in the middle of the afternoon while stone cold sober and being told your grabbed his penis the last time you were at his bar. My bad.
there's a strong possibility i came on your eyeliner last night bathroom sex was unplanned and rather messy sorry
If we both finish he brings me a beer and cookies, if only he finishes I get wine and cheesecake. I think I'm in love.
I'll be there soon. I expect Advil and a bucket of kittens when I arrive.
I dont think ive ever had a drunk day betray me so hard before
We have a bucket list tonight. Not done yet. Gotta climb a building
Dude. Photoshop a Santa hat on your mug shot and send it as your Christmas cards.
Who brings a stripper home to ninja turtle bed sheets
Me and I got head
Randomize
