I don't know what you were told but i for sure didn't sleep with any one but steve's couch.
She looks like Sash Grey but sounds like Fran Drescher. Advise.
i forgot to tell you that olivia sent me a text yesterday that the mormon girl got caught with weed in her vagina at school
at least franzia made me throw up pretty colors.
ok, she started talking about how she swears her step dad killed her mom. starting to back out of this one
If she asks the cat was vomiting before I fed it fried calamari
We are not on the "bring me breakfast" level. He's bringing me penis if I ask for breakfast too I'll just sound greedy
My last google search of the night was "Things that cost $102.50"
I basically have sex lined up for me in three different countries. If that's not a feat I don't know what is
I found him in the kitchen singing German metal into a banana while simultaneously mixing brownie batter. He didn't have any pants on.
Dave is getting a lap dance to the venga boys
this is not a drill
You are ridiculously similar to a unicorn, and I want to fuck that unicorn.
I have a bottle of rum in my pocket...what does that say about me...
You come prepared
How do you say happy birthday to someone you fuck occasionally that almost got you arrested? Like what do I text.
I know he’s married, but he’s still a guy with balls and a dick. He noticed my cleavage and stared at my ass. He’ll call.
Randomize
