Does leaving at 3 give Sara enough time to take the bus or are you picking her up?
I cant tell if your joking or not, but I'm picking her up
Do you need some kind of permission slip from her parents or can anyone just go and grab a high schooler these days?
the cop asked for your social security number and you gave her your high school locker combo
Good thing you didnt wake up last night. Wouldve found me naked talking to my closet asking to borrow my towel.
You just kept screaming "You are no House!!!" at the ER doc trying to stitch your head
I was relieved after I found the unopened condom in my pocket. Then I found the open one in the other pocket..
hey i found one of your nipple clamps under my couch, i miss you!
Petty good. I just stapled a 5 dollar bill onto the chest of a sword swallower.
Dude, all I remember was you grabbing random girls, yelling "It's a rap video!" and pouring high-life on them.
This makes me miss penis. Not in a horny way... but in a sad, sentimental way.
Was behind a guy going 20 for 4 miles I'll be there as soon as the universe quits fucking me
Oh aight, and i was just going to be content with drinking, beating off and watching ninja turtles
It's a little weird that I'm blowing my wingman.
My neighbour just came round to ask why we posted a spatula through his door at 3am. What do I tell him??
I don't think we should let her have pot anymore. She ate an entire package of bacon half-cooked and screamed that it was al-dente.
So. My mom went grocery shopping for me while I was at work & brought the food here. Cool bc my dildo was laying on the counter. Forgot I left it out. I am sure she saw. Im mortified.
Randomize
