we're blogging at a bar
He has that thing where they hang SUPER low
Ewww!! Elephantitis
Dear male population: sorry for being such a dick tease but thanks for paying for my bar tab and drunk food
God I'm so bored. I wish I had a baby or something to play with.
And this is exactly why you should NEVER have kids.
I'm drunk. And at a vegan cafe. You would hate it. Don't tell my hipster friend but I kinda hate it too.
what part of 'taking a night off' includes MDMA in your world?
I can't break up with him, I ran the math. Taking into account his 7 inch penis and the standard deviation from average, almost 90% of guys should have a smaller penis than he does.
Really? Penis math? This is why guys shouldn't date female engineers.
My friends son got stung by a jellyfish over the weekend and we seriously stood there debating on whether or not we should pee on this toddler.
you said you couldn't hang because you had to masturbate and feed your lizard
Yeah, I probably need some combination of electric shock, massive quantities of LSD, and enough couch time time to make Woody Allen say "Enough".
I just kept hitting the drum to get thru the crowd to the bar. Surprisingly it worked
We were in bed, and he looked at me and asked if I'd be weirded out if he took his leg off. BEST.SEX.EVER.
Not sure who they are or where we're going but they just bought me 3 tacos so I'm staying.
so apparantly i made out with 24 santas last night...and an elf...and a stoner
I felt like a slutty ass cruella devil driving your old car, And I got in a fight with your wipers
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