just hang any plant up and call it mistletoe.
I have no idea. After the fireworks it all went to shit. Do you know why I woke up with a road sign?
Of course she said it wasn't that good, I don't bring my A game to pity fuck the thrice divorced girl from work
Remember when I booked a hotel room for next sat? Nneither do I.
I'm too hungover to crawl to the fridge so im eating the candy nipple tassels I got bought for Christmas
Stories of my weekends have cause divorces, are you sure you wanna hang out?
I swear to god, allah, buddah and motherfucking oprah winfrey... if I have to stay here any longer because you are holding us up I will choke you out.
All I could think when I saw it was, "All right, Vagina, only one of us is getting out of this alive."
Trial is expected to last a fucking week if I get chosen.
To be fair, you are the kind of person I want to be on the jury when I inevitably end up in front of one.
The only thing I remember last night was feeding my dog 4 McDoubles.
He's ninety percent amazing leader, brother, and teacher, and ten percent unforgivable douche. These are the men I look up to in my life.
You're too drunk for my bullshit, and i'm too sober to put up with yours. I have no idea how you expect to find middle ground here.
Wtf is this place? I don't see any alcohol and I feel like we were supposed to bring our own strippers.
He asked if we were going to take advantage of his drunken state. When we said no he tired to show us what we were missing out on. It was so sad it almost made him cute.
I'm just bringing him "breakfast," and breakfast may lead to lunch and dinner, but that doesn't mean I want the mealplan.
Randomize
