So ignoring my calls doesnt work if you update your facebook a minute later.
Its a sad day when your bush has a better set of hair than you do
Dude, we somehow need to leave discretely with the toilet brush.
It's either jizz or frosting, and either way, someone's being held accountable.
Yes..we had amazing sex that I have a 50 percent chance of remembering.
then you gave the doctors and nurses bloody high fives
i'm pretty sure they aren't charging me for that window i broke with a turkey sandwich while i was hammered.
The cops forgot your handle of tequila when they took you away. Taking shots in your honor amigo
I just masturbated to a Jock Jams cd. What have you done today?
I used my yoga mat as a door stop so he couldn't come into my room when i was sleeping last night. Drunk engineering at its finest
so i might have figured out why that girl isn't talking to me...I'm 90% confident I didn't give her a pillow when she stayed over >.>
I want to be "performing a disservice to society by actually wearing clothes in public" hot.
She didn't complain to the library attendant about us being too loud. She complained after you grabbed her highlighter off the table to stir vodka into your tumbler with.
I deleted all traces of him from my phone
even the dick picks he sent you?
no are you nuts? saved that shit to my camera roll
After round two, I told him he deserves an award. He bowed and did a princess wave WHILE his dick was still inside me.
Randomize
