My Mom bought me a vibrating toothbrush. Maybe this is her way of apologizing for throwing away my other thing that vibrated.
Let's just say for some reason we thought it was okay to make a burrito smoothie.
I am the drunkest girl in the tree.
You were spitting chewed up pretzle into my hands telling me to hold it for you.
Just got a groupon for a segway rental: fireworks segway battle at my house. What say you?
Definitely a Xanax and Jell-O shots kinda day...except my Jell-O shots are really just a big bowl of a Jell-O shot that I use a spoon to eat.
I mean, on what planet are nipples suppose to look like that?
Fell asleep with Kristen and woke up with Sarah. It's official, vacation has begun.
Yea. I feel great. My life is great. My job isn't as shitty. And my daddy loves me. I love strip clubs. Great self esteem boost.
Dinner was cheetos vodka and whiskey. This is what happens when even your booty call breaks up with you.
I just walked out topless, stared his brother straight in the eye, and ate all the rest of their cookie dough.
nobody put me to bed and I ended up peeing on a tree and got written up
Between the deep breathing and nipple piercings , I thought I was in the twilight zone
How was your night?
Fell down a flight of stairs. Went to a sex dungeon. Was approached by a man in a leather harness.
Cockblock successful. That's for pouring nacho cheese on my flatscreen, asshole.
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