I had a dream last night that I was the one that killed Biggie
Hey Operation Dumbo Drop... FYI, when you select your date this evening, our doorway is 3'x7'
He's at the gym. He likes to get high and swim cause it makes him feel like a fish.
If I buy you $300 worth of popeyes, will that make up for me trashing the house?
Ladies, we have an appointment at David's Bridal aurora this coming Sunday at 3pm. And an appointment at where ever tequila is served at noon.
she drove 3 hrs one way just to sleep with me. I felt bad complaining about paying for condoms.
frozen drink friday is suspended until further notice
Because of his penis, I can't even look at a hot dog
Come on, without my personality, I'm a pretty good one night stand.
Don't patronize me, I thought of that on peyote, so it was basically like a message from God.
Sean slept in the bushes beside my house again. Any reason he kept screaming/slurring 'it was all a bunch of goddamn lies' through out the night?
After getting rejected by him, I got a strangely pleasant dick pic from an unknown number with the caption: "I hope this gets you through the night ;)" It's like the Cock-Gods were shining down upon me.
The man who almost made us Eskimo sisters is getting married. Of course I'll be your date. We need to toast the end of his sex life!
He said 'I really struggle with the sin of lust' then we proceeded to have sex. So I guess it was a perfectly executed Catholic pick up line?
Where is the baby squirrel I found last night?! I've looked all morning I can't find Morris anywhere did someone take him?? ðŸ˜ðŸ˜
Honey, I kept trying to tell you it was just a pine cone.
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