Don't cheat on me with the blonde bimbo religi freak
I wouldn't touch her with a ten foot pole
She's blonde
I want to get laid tonight but my sheets haven't been washed since vomiting in them on Halloween :(
She said she never had to courage to go fully shaved. Since when did shaving your snatch become courageous?
Today in psych we learned that you are a whore.
Me specifically?
Yep.
He's 11. You dont draw dicks on 11 year olds, i dont care if he ate your lasagna
I don't know if its because i'm stoned or what but painting my kitchen yellow makes it look crooked
Tell him to dress up like Shaggy and kidnap him then bring him to me. We can pretend. Imaagination.
I told her I named my penis "The Spirit of Exploration." That's all it took.
I. recorded a message of me yelling at myself to "get up out of that bed" and set it an alarm. REALLY loud
Well don't pass out under a Swedish flag and people won't make assumptions
Mind if I sleep with your cousin? If I can... thanks. If no, sorry its gonna happen.
Besides, I'm booked tomorrow. I'm planning on drinking heavily and crying in the bath.
That makes sense.. A good Bj is a trump card in any argument
I wonder if Paul and Andy realize how lucky that they are that we're too lazy to start fucking other dudes so we just stick with them
So you completely disappeared from my memory last night at about my 15th Jager bomb. But only you. No one else.
Randomize
