i wish i could just chop off my fat with a knife..i would rather endure that than work out
nothing says platonic group sex like a campfire and smores
You act like this is the first time i've fingered two 17 year olds at the same time
I am drunk at a castle and it isn't even 3. Europe is amazing.
I passed out leaning next to a light pole. When the cop woke me up at 4 AM, I told him I was a block away from the apt, just had to stop to make a puke pit stop.
I think my vagina was keeping me fat all these years out of self preservation. It's like she knew what would happen if I lost the weight.
At my wifes high school reunion. Found out her nickname was 'Back Door Brooke'. EVERYONE is calling her that.
you tried to fill your inhaler with vodka
I'll pay you to write the paper but not for sex. You should only get paid for something you work hard at.
It would be awesome if I knew whose teeth these were in my pocket
Don't Richard Nixon her vagina
Ugh I feel like I just got hit by a big giant sex bus.
I paper cut my nipple reading mail topless
I'm literally the definition of crunk, sunburnt, and dehydrated. I'm going to die tomorrow.
You weren't stupid you just made an ass of yourself. It's called a birthday party. That's code for night of regrets.
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