My new storm is the chrons
The only reason I needed a new one is bc I threw up on my other one(248): And since Verizon doesn't have a throw up test, I was eligible for a new one
just found preset five on the shower head...pretty sure my pussy just had a panic attack
How are you feeling today?
i could've thrown up on command at any point today...
Nada. Shooting off confetti and wanted to see I'd u could see it from ur house.
Wow. Its not even 11am.
I'm leaving my hospital band on when we go drinking tonight. I'm aiming for pity sex.
Carpe scrotum. Grab life by the balls.
well I have to shit but I'm too hungover to push, and I snorted advil so I wouldn't have to swallow it and throw up.. hungover is an understatement.
Let's just say I've never been so continually aware of my nipples before.
WHY did you say no to the sex seance?
Just to circumvent as much mood-killing as possible, you are allowed a small amount of laughter at my pubic hair. Too much and I revoke your vagina privileges until you can get your shit together.
Hey mom, soo do we have a family lawyer or am I on my own for that?
I danced my ass off after the funeral last night. Kept dropping it low and I can feel it in my legs today. Im like shit I needa go work out
What a way to honor the dead
Ya, It's probably because whenever I close my eyes I see a kitten playing a banjo.
No my problem is I'm working and its a beautiful Saturday. I should be recovering from a hangover and out golfing. Fuck responsibility. I miss college.
My manager is trying to help me find a good career path, and I'm trying to find a professional way to tell him I just wanna smoke and fuck.
Randomize
