guess who came home with a hottie last night
Def drugged
I just want you to know that me val and amanda are drinking on top of a hill lookig at the chicago skyline drinking icehouse and we just peed in public.
i just set an alarm for noon. fuck yes winter break.
In my junk email folder, there are literally 67 messages from Alcoholics Anonymous. What..the fuck.
you came here, splled a bunch of margaritas, hung up a picture of yourself and then left
She went dumpster diving. Found flourescent light bulbs, carpet samples and $15. We got a bottle of Popov, played star wars and threatened random people with the carpet. Get on our level.
Everytime the frat boy touches his bro's ass after making a cup take a drink
There's a lady here with a big bag of dildos. I'm not sure that's appropriate bar baggage but, I like her style
I totally accidentally said "we don't go around hammering girls in the rear" in front of 132 5th graders today.
All I vaguely remember from last night is getting up on that nice mahogany table and debating about squirrel's rights
I should send him a pic of my crotch with the caption "thanks for the memories"
Honestly I have a huge freedom boner right now and if I came it would be red white and blue
He fucked me over, so I'm going to do what any rational woman does. I'm going to get really high and have sex with his brother.
Stop fucking Sharon's exes.
Sorry it took me so long to reply. I was fucking Sharon's ex.
I just asked my mom if I could be the drunk realitive at the reunion. She said as long as I'm not obvious.
Randomize
