I realized as I was wesiging my engamemby ring that you'd never love me tha same. I have life plans and Sam showed them to me
What? You're not speaking real words.
he said he wished he had more hands so he could firmly hold my boobs.
The prescription for my birth control just blew away in the wind on my way back from the health center. It's like god wants me to get pregnant
When you gave the girl your number the fat girl was like "take mine....here please take mine"
The face that yo gabba gabba comes up when I'm stoned and searching for yoga workouts is scary or dangerous
Gym?
Sweet baby Jebus, no. I'm Motley Crue hungover. This must be how it feels to rail a line of ants.
I couldn't tell if they ere dancing or fucking but they won the costume contest
Well, we could've been at the bar taking a shot everytime my rash spread. But Noooooo. You had to go out with your non- girlfriend. Lame.
Btw. U, me, male strippers, beer. Gonna happen. We could totally get TNT from like u know TNT places
Sorry I just took 4 pills about 20 minutes ago so I'm feeling like a claw machine like people tell me were I need to go and what to do and I'm just like yes sir so I get the teddy bear but I set it on fire and it's kinda black on one side and there might be smoke coming off it.
I'm taking a shower and i'm gonna bring my pocketknife with me
Harry Potter pub crawl tonight. You know you're living your life right when your check list for the evening is wizard robes, wand and acid.
So I justmade it back home and was greeted to a squirrel in my dorm... Last time I let my friends rent it out for a party.
DON NOT, UNDER ANY CIRCUMSTANCES WATCH CLOWN PORN.
i have officially smoked myself stupid. went to wally world to buy soap and toothpaste but got 4 potpies and 2 dessert pies instead. fail.
Randomize