btw, your gf is going to want to talk to you today...and consequently you're probably not going to want to talk to me...just a heads up
Packed at 6 am completely wasted. Damage assessment: 12 pairs of socks (no underwear), a flashlight, 3 shorts, shot glass, 8 sweaters, puff paint, one sneaker.
Maybe someone other than the mad hatter should have gone with him to the ER
Some great men died of syphilis. I accept your compliment.
You graduated two years ago... You can't keep using spring break as an excuse.
Oh wow. Was walking and just saw her in the pool, fully clothed, ranting on an alligator float. I guess i should go get her before security gets here.
I think he offered to cook me dinner or cook me for dinner. Not really sure. Just smiled and nodded.
I am going to dream of scrotums tonight, I just know it.
Trimming my pubes at 1 AM, drunk, listening to Stevie Ray Vaughn. What has become of me.
Jesus christ stop updating me about every aspect of your life.
I threw up through my nose tonight. Happy cinco de mayo
You put on some guys Birkenstocks that were abandoned on the dance floor overtop of your flats. Then ran out of the bar high gives the bouncer and said "look at my new kicks" then he was like woah wait a minute someone is missing those and made you return them. You were very upset
don't bring your nerd jargon into this conversation about my naked body
at this point I think you're judging my taste in men
I swear I'm not
It's okay, I'm judging my taste in men
I told him I thought I was pregnant and he told me he accidentally killed my bird.
Circle of life.
I wasn’t trying to be creepy it just happened
I’m beginning to think that’s your defining personality trait.
Randomize
