you're like the ceasar milan of boners... you understand them on a different level.
The only thing he got me during our relationship was a cum stain in my backseat. I choose winners.
she texted him the burrito order while she was puking in the Del Taco parking lot...
He kept singing "who's that peekin in my window" we thought he was high til we realized someone was lookin in the windows.
There are a bunch of guys at the door looking for the guy you brought back to the condo...pretended not to speak English. You're welcome.
I saw he had me in his phone as "the fat twin"
Hey, it was your idea to keep her occupied with the barscanner on your phone.
you didnt need to give her a fucking sharpie. there are handmade barcodes everywhere. including my cock. fucker.
Apparently I'm the last girl he had sex with. That was over a month ago. If he can go that long without sex then he's clearly not the guy for me
I just remembered that last night I ate nachos off of someone else's table with a stranger
Did I run into a tree or get punched in the face?
Both.
I'm just sayin. If your gonna cheat go for someone TOTALLY different. Fucking her twin would be a waste.
I know he's not here, but I can still see him. I found some of my old stash and its good shit so its expected to see sunlight at night and scary llama men. Midgets or otherwise.
Is it bad I have to get shitty ass drunk on a Monday night because I can't adult?
I just had the polyamorous Canadian hockey player do the splits while naked in a handstand at my apartment just now. And yes, I know it’s 1:30am on a Thursday.
Don't get into any trouble on your trip
The only foreseeable trouble would be pregnancy, but I gotta be sterile otherwise I'm beating some pretty fucking incredible odds
Randomize
