We video chatted for almost two hours. But I woke up with puke on my keyboard. The question of the day: were we still chatting when I vommed? No idea.
You're the host. Of course you wear the diaper. It's like wearing the pants.
It was as awful as eating cow testicles on fear factor and not winning and realizing you ate balls for nothing.
we've been doin it since '07. it's like married sex now, were both comfortable so neither of us really tries anymore, we just do it because it's convenient
Hey remember that thing i said about never apologizing for being a hot mess? Well that was before you found me drunk in the hallway with no pants.
I drove your lawn mower home. Hope you don't need it tonight. I'll bring it over tomorrow.
Is putting "Tonight I'm Fucking You" on my date playlist too forward?
Yay for living on the edge. I'm trying this new thing where I stop mom-arming people and promote bad decisions. It's working quite well.
I put chex mix in your purse for when you get hungry while doing your walk of shame tomorrow!
I didnt want you guys to know I needed to puke, so I just nonchalantly did in my solo cup and threw it out the window
The second time he came it projectile shot in my ear
We were in a spooning position and it shot all the way up. He was like sorry. Physics.
I was Jaeger weird. I was rolling on the floor pretending to be an Olympic gymnast and my name was Gina
i ate her out in full view of all her roomates. the word awkward doesnt even cover it.
Mass text: dear whatever jerk off who thinks they stole drugs from me. It was birth control. Go fuck yourself. And pray that I don't get pregnant.
Who puts their birth control in a bottle with a smiley face?!
Oh fuck wait
omg girl... i cut your hair last night. tell me it looks okay!? i saw hair on the counter and i said ohhh nooo
Randomize
