She called it mighty mouse.. And from there it was down hill
Just saw a girl trying to crack an egg with her butt cheeks. I think I know what we're doing thursday night.
Guy in our group took down a chick in a wheelchair last night.
I elbow dropped a bag of ice to break it so we could make margaritas. I bled everywhere. Be proud.
remind me to get a blood sugar test this week. I'm pretty sure I'm a mojito away from diabetes.
I'm so bored right now i'm literally Googleing all the possible ways to get high with household items as my mom is sitting in front of me..
I am too drunk to deal with your everything. Reread this everytime you feel the need to talk to me.
The only responsible thing ive done in vegas is shower and that was onky to clean vomit off me
I'm sitting in front of a fan naked drinking Gatorade. Motherfucking hangover probs
also, made a drinking game out of my birthday photos....drink everytime alcohol is in a photo. going through all 350 of them.
You kept trying to get the girl i brought home to hook up with you by enticing her with 12 baconnators you brought home
I know you're very busy with sleep and things, but when you wake up we need to talk about weirdly shaped penises.
I hope the lord has blessed you with many tampons, child.
look, my penis is an amusement park, and it's closed for maintenance. why can't you just accept that?
She dropped the call after she told me she doesn't want to hear about how loud he can scream.
Randomize
