You stayed up for three hours wasted, feeding my rabbit 2 1/2 boxes of girl scout cookies.
homeboy just tried to sext with me at 8:30 in the morning while I was on a job interview...
so you did it...
obv...but still...it was inconsiderate.
Apparently I grabbed her ponytail and cut it with an exacto knife.
Precisely. She's an awesome drinking companion; yet, not so awesome mother-in-law material.
After she lost the bet I made her get on one knee so she could "Te-blow me"
Seriously. All i can say is im covered in mud, my jaw hurts, i cannot straighten my arm, egg is everywhere, and there is a dead squirrel.
Boobs are out for the taking
The tequila covers up the fact that the choco liquor tastes like sadness.
But I mean how many guys can say they get blow jobs and grilled cheese with football
So I just noticed that my last drunk google search before going to bed last night was "ghosts based on gays." I have no idea what that's supposed to mean
I was just thinking about our drunk conversation about having sex with elephants the other night. Love you bud. Stay strong.
Besides, I don't need any more men there who have seen my tits. #bearwatch2014
Then we woke up and they shouted "Emergency Vodka!!" and that's how we got redrunk.
I can now recognize that when my wine bottle reaches a certain point, I probably shouldn't tweet, text or call anyone. RESPONSIBILITY
Side note: I just realized that I can make my hand warmers double as a heated push up bra.
Randomize
