so stoned i ashed in my jack and coke like 4 times. drinking it anyway
you called me at 4 am to tell me you found the cracker barrel location where we'll have lunch next week
Who has a video camera? i want to look back on this one day and say OH thats why i spent 2 years in jail
this bucketlist has just become an excuse for me to be slutty, and i'm not even ashamed
my cup is half full, half full of rum.
i have my own cum on my nose right now. don't talk to me about "embarrassed".
Shit, I may have left some acid in your bathroom last night. Has he been in there lately.
For her birthday she wants to, " try something different with our butts a funnel and a bottle of whiskey"
I mean it's not my fault he had a floor mat that read "put out or get out". What was I supposed to do?
The "don't get cum on anything" rule also applies to my furniture and scarves
That's not technology. Doesn't count.
The claw marks on my back are healing nicely. Just thought you should know.
My bad. Next time I'll wear mittens.
This taxi driver is not happy I am in drag
My bad man. I was at a strip club, and apparently it's like a big deal to take your phone out in one of those places.
I need to stop getting so drunk at bowling
i am risking my non lesbian vagina for your needs. i better be the best friend you ever had
Randomize
