You were so drunk that you were trying to take pictures of a MILF at the park so you could send them to Adam, but you didn't want to "seem creepy," so you used taking pictures of her son as a cover. Needless to say, cops were called.
Hooked up with my first aid and cpr teacher last night. She dressed as a lifeguard and brought me back to life. Beat that.
I've grown up since last year. I don't give blow jobs as birthday presents anymore.
Thanks for stopping me from doing a one man keg stand by myself clad in only a towel. that probably wouldve ended badly.
Well, as a member of the greater american southwest gay community I just have to mark this as a total loss and you will be missed.
We had to take the hinges off the bathroom door. Needless to say, you are no longer welcome at that bar
I completely forgot I gave up beer. But airports don't count. They're like international waters. No rules.
Moral of the story: next time my plans include you and bourbon, I'm packing a toothbrush.
I gave him the white girl "you spilled my psl look" and walked away
what is considered shitting yourself?
Like my underwear wasn't soiled, but there was definitely a departure from my asshole.
You kept licking my face. You said you were making sure I was real.
Hey I just woke up in the back of a pickup truck parked at taco bell... Can u come get me?
Thank you for always being there for me.
Sorry wrong derek... Do u have any weed?
Got home. Somebody tried to sell me weed on the street. I've never had to try so little to find a dealer before.
If it's any consolation she turned out to be has a collection of clown dolls she talks to crazy. And the cops knew why I was calling when she key locked the door from inside.
Randomize
