I cockslap morals
can i drink enough to forget this semester even happened?
I still have your handprint on my ass. You're not allowed to ignore me yet.
I just took my friends on a tour of all the places I've had sex in my house. I dont know if that's more slutty, or the fact that it took 2 hours to complete..
He looked at me and said "Last call" before putting his penis away into his boxers
We really need to check into harvesting part of our liver now
I was to drunk to walk in jimmy john's so I called and got a pickle delivered to me outside the bar , too much?
we can be functional adults and still think pizza lunchables are the shit
please tell me we weren't that bad as freshmen
i can't, we're worse now
What kind of gift says "I'm sorry you accidentally stuck your hands in my puke (even though you should know better by now)"?
Next time I feel awkward in a situation I'm going to just yell "free bird!!!!" Like some redneck at lynyrd skynyrd show
My mom just walked in on me naked taking a shit and packing a bowl...the only comment she makes is, she wants her Tupperware back after my pot's out of it. Best mom ever.
she said she doesn't remember seeing me at all last night. ...I was with her for six hours, there's no way she could have been blackout the whole time
I think I'm taking after my dog, I just want to hump everything
couldn't remember his name. introduced him as 'mr multiple orgasms'
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