You picked the wrong day to call in sick. She's wearing the librarian glasses today.
Sorry about teling your dad i'd have sex with him last night in front of your mom while i was drunk
Getting 10 cents back for every can is really just encouraging alcoholism.
Canada just beat USA, the sad part they still need us to make money so who really won
Can you check your dirty laundry bag for my tooth.
Thanks for talking me down from peeing on his window last night.
I am now curious as to how you would have aimed.
FYI the landlord called and plumbers will be tearing up the bathroom tomorrow. Apparently the tub is leaking into the apt below us so be sure to pee in the shower today.
It was pathetic and I was covered in butter
there is nothing worst than getting kicked in the face by a stripper
I'm cutting her off I can't have my good name soiled with these kinds of shenanigans
Shit is preposterous
I woke up this morning half naked, smelling like an ash tray, with an empty bottle of jack next to me, and now someone named Dora the anal explorer is texting me.
Apparently I'm a "fire hazard"
Watching a guy masturbate in real time is a lot less theatrical than porn had me to believe.
I TOOK A FINGER IN THE BUTT YOU CAN OPEN THIS MESSAGE
Help I accidentally unlocked this guy's tragic backstory and I need a rewind button!
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