If it wasnt for meatballs I would have fucking killed myself already.
The world would be so much better with thought bubbles.
Told a girl i wanted to feel her bellybutton from the inside... I need to learn how to flirt
Zach says you can't see his penis until after we're married...not sure why?! Bt then he said he thinks maybe you already have on the wild animal night!
I need to surround myself with more reliable stoners...
you said grace in the diner. 5am, drunk, grace. you thanked the man w the mushroom cut for the wonderful supply of screwdrivers
..and it was like all of a sudden I could hear the sounds my brain was making
Well today was Thanksgiving Anti-Miracle Daydrinkathon so I had to be drunk by 2pm
Don't blame me for eating all the ham.. I gave it out to people, so at most I'm guilty of ham distribution
This guy randomly got in our taxi, and has now collapsed on the sofa anouncing that he's staying the night.
Finally hooked up w/ that yoga instructor chick. Got a little more than I expected. Like a full on bush more than I expected. How do you tell a girl that her bush scares you?
We established that I was in 5th grade when she was in her final year of grad school. Her daughter is also in 5th grade.
I can't even express how horny I am. The English language isn't equipped for what I'm plotting.
who was i chillin with last night? i woke up in a storage unit
Playing Cards Against Humanity with my relatives at Christmas while I'm stoned was a bad idea...
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