RAWRRRR IMA PURPLE DINO
dude i'm sitting right next to you.. stop texting me
I couldn't get internet on my iPod in this hotel room for porn, so I made due with UFC.
I'm not sure what to say to that.
I can only name 15 people I've had sex with - can I just start claiming that as my sex number?
apparently, i ordered a pogo stick last night. i can't even be mad about that.
She got subburned last week and her bikini ties in the middle...when I took off her shirt, there was a sunburned bow between her boobs. Like a present. Happy birthday to me!
My nipple rings set off the metal detector at the courthouse this morning.
Liver, I have supported you for 18 fucking years. Pull your weight for ONE NIGHT and detoxify this alcohol.
I went online and donated $30 to his walk-a-thon as a "sorry I puked in your bed last night"
This is why I can't have Wednesdays.... Or adult decisions.
Was in the middle of a keg stand, the frat guys dropped me, and I broke my nose. My mom didn't enjoy that call from the hospital.
you taught an eight year old how to shotgun a half pint of chocolate milk, that's all i'm saying
if i get arrested im counting on you to get a picture of it
Apparently "Welcome to the Sin Cave" is not how I'm supposed to answer the door
I forgot to respond before, I was apologizing for confusing sex with secret Santa.
I deleted your number after I found out you gave my brother head for drugs.
Randomize
