so i told her that taking semen on the face helps make your skin smoother.
and?
luckily she was drunk enough to believe she had really bad acne...
I have left a significant number of teethmarks in my prhone. My mouth tastes like tequila and cheddar. Tomorrow already feels fun.
the level of his annoyance + every insult he makes = the closer I am to telling him im fucking his ex
It was perfect I came I passed out in his comfortable bed then a glass of jack Daniels fell from the bed post and spilled all over my face
I told him I'd go cook him breakfast, but ended up passing out on the kitchen floor in the fetal position spooning the dog
googling pictures of Lindsey Lohan so that I know what to wear to court is definitely a low point in my life
I'm pretty sure I'm the first person in the history of this college to rollerblade their walk of shame.
Her one night stand followed us to mass. This is too funny for real life.
Need to spend sober time with him while fully clothed. I can't decide if he's a seriously amazing man or a complete fucking dickbag.
This is me not judging you for what a fine line you draw between the two.
Who gets call-your-ex-from-4-years-ago drunk on a Thursday??
CRAIGSLIST IS NOT THE ANSWER
IM LONELY AND HORNY
Any idea why my ass cheeks are bruised again?
The fact that theyre bruised AGAIN means you're not adult enough to know why.
I feel like my foot is being amputated. Or maybe it's the vodka. I couldn't tell you.
These rednecks don't fuck around. This party is completely BYOB and we now have 6 kegs, 3 of which have already been emptied.
Omg, new summer goal: sex in a bouncy castle.
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