If you get a breast reduction, you have to let me see them before hand at least once. It's a rule.
I'm gonna write a book, Things that go bump in the night: The story of Katelyn. Chapter one, my roommate is a dumb whore.
At what number of girls whose last names are stored in your phone book as drinking establishments does it become excessive?
don't worry dude, we didn't fuck on your bed out of respect for you
couldn't find a condom?
basically
She asked me why I was wearing a Batman Suit. Have I ever needed a reason to wear a Batman Suit?
Come help me clean. I know we won't be getting our security deposit back...but I would like to move out with our dignity.
In your drunken brilliance did you make bagel with what appears to be mac and cheese smeared on top and pink icing dip? Because if so it is sitting on the counter
She's the second Ashley to meet and blow me in the same night. Sensing a trend.
He had seven beers and tap-danced on the table like a pro. HOW DOES HE DO IT
Thanks for launching me off you reverse cowgirl. I think I chipped a tooth.
I woke up at 6 and was laying at the top of my stairs.
How do you know i dont look like i got attacked by a weedwacker on bath salts?
While we were doing it he looked up at me and said "Does your husband fuck you this good?" Talk about a mood killer....
All I can remember from last night was eating nutella and touching myself to Weird Science.
The fact that I’m not married yet means there are millions of lucky girls out there who have dodged a bullet
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