In honor of tonight, my penis will make an appearance
Just tried calling my phone on my phone because i thought i lost my phone.
I'm at the bar and I just saw some unnecessary and accidental cooter...sometimes I think girls need a license to go out pantyless in public.
So i looked up from her cooch and there was her ex-boyfriend
Awkward
Braces and a neon one piece. She looks 15.
i'm in love
I couldn't tell if he was hitting on me or if he was just mentally challenged.
So after the reception we snuck back into the church for drunken hook up. we passed out there and woke up in time for 6am mass still dressed from the wedding. spiritually trashy or classy?
Call me pathetic, but saying "tits for ireland" is working out really well on chatroulette today.
It is too early in this hangover to be seeing some guys ass crack.
One of my friends took me out last night for a bday celebration and I just now remembered that a man blew fire balls across the bar in honor of my birthday... How drunk do you have to be to forget that?
its before 9am and ive already had to dip my dick and balls in a glass of milk. probably isnt a good sign for how today is going to go.
It's times when I'm naked but also want to be platonically social that I miss you the most.
Fall is here I will miss walking downtown in nothing but paint and pasties
I gave you chlamydia, you gave me a concussion. Now we're even.
sober me doesnt really want him anymore, but when drunk me takes over, she might want him, and god only knows the shit that might happen with drunk me.
Randomize
