Laughlin, where retired strippers come to die.
He probably put up nude pics. He seems like that kind of guy.
if i dont get laid while im dressed as Tim Tebow, i'm just staying true to the costume.
just woke up to overhearing her on the phone saying "yeah we fucked last night, that makes 42." should i get tested?
well i fucked her too, so yes.
Make sure you take the apple pie out of your pocket before you pass out.
We made it a contest to fuck on everything in your room while you were on vacation.
i know i said i'd always be there for you, but i'm beginning to think that what you call "being there for me" the american judicial system calls reckless endangerment.
Let me stew on this while im plucking my nipple hairs and showering.
At my eighteen year old cousin's wedding. Getting hit on by a 9 year old. No one knows who he came with. I'm pretty sure he just showed up from the field behind the church. Help.
It is a sign that I need a fresh start when Kelly Clarksons new album tells the story of my life.
He said he was Greek American and that is why my legs slammed shut. During the World Cup there are only Americans.
First night in my new apartment and I threw up in front of my neighbors door. Starting off this relationship strong.
I'm to childless and to single to be asking myself why I'm so sticky
I feel like a grown up and it scares me so I'm hiding out in the bathroom stall and messaging you
How is it that 364 days a year I'm the adult, but on Halloween you completely forget how to have fun and become my grandma?
Randomize
