I decided that just having that story under my belt and being able to tell it to my grandchildren is worth the regrets of the evening.
I'm currently blowing up the downstairs bathroom at work. I wish I could foursquare this.
she wants to wait til the kids are asleep so im just shotgunning the parents beers in the pillow fort. I love fucking babysitters
I have bruises everywhere. I think I took "the drinks are strong" as more of a challenge than a warning.
She's all pretty and bubbly and nice and I'm sitting here stoned looking like Lucifer.
I got to explain to the guys at work today how i had no choice but to go to a gay bar because I was handcuffed to a lesbian.
You told me to keep you from drinking, but we both know I'm not that kind of friend.
Awkward drunk fist bump with the boss. Not sure if tomorrow will be weird or wonderful.
My bad man. I was at a strip club, and apparently it's like a big deal to take your phone out in one of those places.
Got stiff armed by the garbage man on the back of the truck...I just wanted to ride one block dude
Thinking about wearing all black to the bar tonight since I'll be attending my liver's funeral.
Im going to hell I gave him a handjob on the plane next, to an old guy playing video games on his iPad, on good friday.
For someone who claims to be straight, she knows a hell of a lot about bi erasure, and one Hayley Kiyoko song too many
when i was on the highway she passed out and knocked my transmission into nuetral with her forehead...that was an experience
she glued two packs of googly eyes on you while you were blacked out. We talked her out of using her hot glue gun.
ummmm thanks
Randomize
