I use him for alcohol and he uses me for sex. This is the closest thing to love i could imagine
Something strange is happening to me, I think I miss hooking up with girls sober
Yeaaah. I'm kinda wary about that guy. Does he still have that taser that he found on the train?
Even though we had just had to physically take her off of someones lawn she was peeing on when they came outside, she still insisted on walking unassisted the rest of the way home. It was dignity meets shit show.
Apparently drunk me was getting hit on and i wasn't into it so i shouted "Stupify" at him like i was fucking harry potter then went to the pizza place next to the bar and punted some guys pizza box out of his hands. :(
I already googled the effects of Molly with my antibiotics, I should be fine.
Why is there even a knowledge base for that?!
Impromptu road trip to New Orleans for four days of Mardi Gras. I'll probably be alive and back for Valentine's Day plans, probably won't stick my dick in some random either-might be using my free pass you cheating asshat. Love you. Expect random texts & probably a drunk dial or twelve. You did this to yourself. You're not invited so don't bother. Have fun at work.
I just gave an orange Froot Loop the finger for falling on the floor instead of my mouth when I was pouring a mini box of cereal into my face.
Lack of response to this text gains you a half hour of freedom before I initiate operations to conclude you are not, in fact, comatose. You requested no mercy.
There is nothing worse then the feeling after you've held in farts all night..
What's his name?
Sorry I yelled at you and called you Amish and puked on your eggs
I didn't want dick. I wanted spaghetti.
Your amazing boobs made me fall in love with boobs. I never cared about boobs you should be proud
everytime he speaks i want to fuck him less. i just wanna tell him to shut up and take his pants off and we could both be happy.
I might be a bit longer... I found a hot guy at the grocery store, so I'm following him and buying stuff that he's buying
Randomize