Do you need to be saved?
No I think I'm God
you left your dildo in my car
rules of finders keepers apply
No, you dont understand, he literately fucked me into a new hairstyle, quite nice too.
There is a contact in my phone named "Bar Mcntysu." this is why we need a third person to go out with us.
I just don't know the best way to tell him I think I saw him in a porn. I mean I got off to it, isn't there some level of awkwardness there?
OMG IM A TIGER AND I LOVE ROARING
OK. i'm going to add "riddle me this, brodawg" to the list of things i'm never gonna say to my boss again while i'm high.
I woke up in a strange bathroom. Was I blonde when you left me last night?
I warned you. Don't come crying to me when your vagina refuses to forgive you for this.
She proceeded to flip everyone off then open a Heineken with her teeth.
But no. So do not give him one damn penny. Unless they are in a sock and you are hitting him with it.
Dude, naked camping ALWAYS takes precedence. I would skip my own funeral to go naked camping.
Still can’t get over the fact that we ate beef jerky off a strip club floor
I'm classy like audry Hepburn. Chugging wine out of the bottle on the way to the club. Shed do that. I know she would.
Throwing up in a storm drain... Not my finest moment.
But my shoes looked boss
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