On valentines day I took a girl on a date that I suspect was homeless
maddie and i have invented a community puke bowl. explanation later
2 rounds of irish car bombs have already been taken to your 5 year sober anniversary
We fucked in my basement while hiding from the cops.. And now his Facebook picture is him and others holding up there MIP's in front of my house.. I feel obligated to add him as a friend.
Remind me again why sleeping with a coworker and his wife would be a terrible idea.
i woke up to banging and pieces of ceiling falling on my face
Sean getting laid is an anomaly, Sean banging the hottest single girl at the wedding is a fucking unicorn being ridden by a leprechaun walking through mordor.
He left in the middle of the night, he left his shoes behind and stole my doc martens..size 6 female. Wtf?
If you're mature enough to fuck him you're mature enough to tell him you don't want a relationship come on
Hey douche face I just want you to know, if you ever got hit by a bus, I'd really miss you.
Only if you died obviously.
I just almost puked & then I panicked and forced it back down because I thought I would be a waste of the apple turnover I ate.. I'm that hungover
Omg I can't even...
Rule 1: If any of us dies on a trip, the other two have to 'Weekend at Bernies' the shit outta that corpse...
LMAO I like how "don't worry I'll bring chasers" is your way of assuring things will be ok
Put a Santa hat on my junk. He's wants to be festive too.
Thanks. I just smoked a bowl topless so I'm in heaven right now.
Randomize
