Ugh I just know that when I take off his pants his underwear will have Megan's Law written all over them.
Update: no underwear. Greeeeen light.
I was just at the bank and there was a fat lady wearing a cape. today is gonna be awesome.
I think i found my new favorite workout. Go to a party where you dont know anybody and constantly walk around the house so you dont look awkward standing alone. im up to 1.8 miles
the blizzard started in kansas. im debating driving to a bar now so i can get snowed in there for the game
a commercial for my antidepressant came on and they said you shouldn't take if if you drink right as i took a shot
god is laughing at you again
I'm just gonna go nail your roommate after we break up anyway.
but then the words kidney pain and possible testicle shrinkage kept ringing in my head
Is this a genuine concern or are you just high?
JUST BECAUSE I'M HIGH DOESN'T MEAN ITS NOT GENUINE CONCERN.
I knew I was rolling hard when I realized I had been rubbing the couch for an hour
Shit ive learned: when going out to a party, always wear a bathing suit underneath just in case theres a pool with a roof next to it
Crap I still need to get you a wedding gift. I'm just gonna give you a bag full of cash, lube, and condoms. And I'll use furry handcuffs instead of ribbon to tie the gift bag handles together.
so he had an ashton kutcher Kelso haircurt. dude, we're in our mid to late 20s, I don't think we can ridicule guys for having hair anymore.
I just opened a pickle jar stoned as fuck. I clapped for myself. I feel like wonder woman.
Quick question, did I crash teeth with you when I snogged you, or did I headbutt something between the car and the bed last night?
Taking a walk while tripping face during Halloween time was a bad idea. I started crying bc I was so scared and hide in the parks playground.
Randomize