anyone who has a picture of a ferrari with the caption "mAh DreAM caR" is getting denied as my facebook friend.
I'm scared. I feel like she's my mom and she just walked in on me having sex. Like she's "disappointed"
Today was my first day of hebrew and I learned how to say give me sex... I think I can quit now
And all I wanted you to do is stand there and sing who let the dogs out.
they night at the roxbarryed us. came out of nowhere,bought us shots, and then the big one licked my hand? we got out of that noise.
I'm buying you potatoes, the least you could do is not ask any fucking questions and just say thank you.
do you think its obvious that we spent all afternoon playing naked body oil twister?
its the kind of pain that only someone with a fucking elephant on their head would understand. I'm never drinking again.
She just kept saying "bless your heart" to him while he cried because he came so fast. I think a Texas woman was just what he needed
I feel as if we moved beyond the hook up stage when she blew me as I drunkenly finished my chicken nuggets.
Wow it must be so difficult to be as popular as you are and smoke as much weed as you do
Woke up to the frozen soundtrack blasting in the living room best one night stand ever
Side Note: Everyone in my office is getting engaged and having baby showers. And I'm all like, fuck your joy, I just want more string cheese in my life.
Oh man. I am high, watching The Office and getting pancakes. What a country.
On a scale of 1 to alcoholic in withdrawal how ready will you be to start drinking as soon as you arrive on campus?
Randomize
