also, made friends with this 75 year old millionaire Tony who likes to mosh. Don't ask.
so craigslist just dropped their "erotic services" ads. there goes our livelyhood
i just shit 3 out of the 4 types of matter
its like he missed a chap in the "being a guy" handbook and read the bible instead
his penis was crooked so i rode him at an angle. he seemed used to this.
you know that dress I got margarita and puke on? yeah, just returned it.
Reading in my econ of energy textbook about the US' largest oil spill from the 1990's.. guess i can't sell this one back either
Apparently, I woke him up at 4AM, and yelled "you're mad because we don't have sex," while grabbing his dick. Then immediately fell back asleep, dick in hand.
I just saw the list where the U.S. doesn't even rank in the top 10 in drinking countries. I know its Tuesday but....its for America
After he came he asked what I was doing for thanksgiving.
She was really fucking loud. My neighbors definetly knew my name...
I told them I got hit by a car again and now im pretty sure they think im being abused but there was no way in hell the truth was going to fly. Employed people aren't supposed to break their faces in piggy back ride accidents.
shut up and let me use my vagina as a weapon of self destruction in peace!
SHE MASTURBATED TO THE THOUGHT OF ME HAVING AN ALL DUDE THREESOME WITH HER EX BOYFRIENDS.
It was like Strip poker and blow, but with Yu-Gi-Oh cards
Randomize
