hey babe. i'll pick you up in my mom's car. with my mom. she has nothing to do tonight.
I thought at least he would want to exchange numbers after he tried to put it in my bum
I gave her a mint afterward. It felt like giving turndown service at Hotel BJ.
Just took a celebratory "i havent slept with anyone in this bar" shot. yesssss....
The last thing I remember is stabbing him with his diabetes medicine
Was I really yelling "girls night" at random chicks before stealing and drinking all their shots?
??I have an official piece of documentation saying you are banned from Las Vegas.
He's sitting in his room on Facebook with nothing but a pillow covering his crotch. I can't help you at the moment.
I have a bruise on dick where you tried to "high five" me.
i went to the 24h massage place last night and brought down the price for a hand job from $50 to $12.75 and half the big mac left in my bag.
I don't know anybody that can get the cops to drive them back to the bar after being pulled out of a tree
it happenes
Went to put my shoe on and asked myself why I left a sock in it. I didn't. Needless to say I found our used condom.
The cops wrote boobs in the police report. ...vandalism is our calling
i'm just really offended he didn't want to have breakup sex. like that was the only thing i was really looking forward to
I would fuck him just for his dog
Randomize
