Yeah, i don't remember peeing. or meeting the girl.
There's 12 honey baked hams in my fridge. I vaguely recalled you organizing a "Midnight Ham Run."
Went biking. Saw homeless guy beating in the park. Thought of you <3
They live so far away from me that not fucking them both would have been financially irresponsible
The "puke-towel" started to grow something...
sorry for throwing an entire water bottle of vodka at you. It was very wasteful
Also, I'm sewing my entire Halloween costume by hand. I better get laid at every single party I go to.
I could only remember yelling "rip it down" as he ninja jumped off the bed, kicked the wall, and superman punched the fire alarm off the ceiling.
I've always wondered why you never put the hotel room in your name...
My roommate has gone Christmas crazy. It looks like Jack Frost came all over my living room. Wanna come fuck me in the fake snow by the fireplace?
Your life has no conflict it's just a blur of sex and Netflix
I'm on the Coaster ride of shame, currently sitting across two nice old ladies smelling like condoms.
His name was Dragon. For real. How do you not sleep with a Dragon? Don't judge me.
So I remember having an orgasm, but I didn't wake up next to anyone. Your dog is afraid of me. Is this a sick joke?
it was like where's waldo, only the stakes were much higher.
His penis is average but his stamina is amazing!!! I didn’t know I had that many orgasms in my body!!!!
Randomize
