At least make sure they are 18
Why
even in the morning, she still thinks my british accent is real.
I just realized that "Hey girl, when you gonna let me tap that?" is in iambic pentameter. I'm going to write a poem...
I woke up at 1pm, looked in the mirror and fist pumped...I might still be drunk
Its... i dont even know. theres lots of rap music and i cant find my shoes
Just had a tranny complement my outfit. Looks like I'll have to change before we go out.
Also, I'm going to TRY and be casual this weekend, but really, we need to be serious about equally dividing our time between party and bullshit.
If I had 3 wishes one would for sure be a designated driver for life that gives hand jobs.
I told him to come over when I realized that I did have time for a quick booty call before church.
He used the ring emoji and we've gone out four times. What is my life.
She kissed me, then said "mmm your face tastes like it needs my pussy on it."
hey u leave my anime porn out of this
Please explain the hospital band on my wrist.
I googled my name and pictures of you drinking showed up. Way to steal my thunder....
The problem with adderall is that no matter what I'm doing, I feel like it was the most productive thing I've EVER done.
Did you alphabetize our spice cupboard again?
...You'll thank me later.
Randomize
