Best walk of shame ever - Brown Hennesy shirt, bright blue overly large basketball shorts, stilettos from night before - ended up buying a ton of 40's and a 30 pack of coors.
Where are you?
A place I should not be.
theyre doing shots to celebrate her boob jobs anniversary.
his text ended with ... everyone knows dot dot dot equals infer sexy time
and then she yelled "im going to fuck the next guy that walks by me". so ya thats how i lost my virginity
Why am I in a dog kennel?
It was for your own safety
By the way, turns out "Danny B" is his penis. Not his cousin. I was right.
this is getting really bad. i thought the chandelier in the dining room was one of those claws from the claw games in an arcade and i spent the past five minutes jumping left to right so the claw wouldn't grab me
My vagina can tell he is in a metal band. I dont know if I can sit down.
I swear god is testing me by giving me awesome guys with tiny penises
There's always a certain something about a day that begins with your panties in your purse.
Can't even walk I haven't tried talking but I probably can't do that either
I swear to god he's making pineapple onions and cheese. He thinks he's making eggs onions and cheese
Someone broke in while we were at the bars, window is shattered but nothing got taken
Noone broke in, matt tried to pull a tyrese and punch through the window... were at the hospital.
Just got up.... With the club stamp on my ass.... How did it got there????
If I say I hate myself for it does it make it any better?
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