God dammit. Now I'm pissed at Arizona, while feeling bad for my poor, poor penis.
i got a blow job in the bathroom during intermission at the hockey game. i'm pretty sure i made Canada proud.
okay, this game isn't funny anymore. tell us where all the forks are.
Do you know how difficult it is to give head to someone who's imitating Forrest Gump?
You need to stop blackout tweeting at him to have sex with you on the roof of your dorm. He doesn't even have a twitter.
Just thought you should know that we coat checked our fairy wings last night. Getting belly up to the bar was way more important that wearing our costumes.
somedays, I wish the drugs you give me would convince me they were a bad idea preingestion.
where's the fun in that?
I'll never forget how blunt of a wingman you were. "Excuse me, my friend wants to makeout with someone"
I don't really know how to explain this place...it's like I feel like I need an std just to fit in
Regardless of the amount of alcohol you may consume tonight - DON'T take anybody home
Did I seriously answer the door for a home delivery of weed from you and your boss while wearing last night's 80s rockstar face paint?
He woke up wondering who broke in and rearranged all the furniture. He reviewed 11 hours of security footage before I told him he did it while whiskey-drunk.
I’ve cut back on drinking and now my body can’t fight off all the bad germs without the alcohol. That’s why I keep getting sick
I'm really excited to meet your new dude! But we really need to find out if he's your cousin first.
Heyyyy, naked guy in your kitchen, can i ask you a quick question about a legal situation in pb??
Is constant horniness a medical condition? Because a husband, a boyfriend and an office side piece should be enough penis for one girl - but they’re not :-(
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