Astroglide: It's like Bengay for your ass.
This is my last and worst hangover of the decade...I almost cherrish it
Anyways, i'm off to play with a rubber dick and a ouija board with two other girls...
I just walked by a party bus on my way to study. God hates me.
I'm worried I'm going to miss my flight so I set a series of alarms on my phone to act as checkpoints to make sure I'll be there. 2am-stop drinking; 4am-stop fucking stephanie, get some sleep; 5am-wake up, fuck stephanie once more; 6am-get to the airport
You are a finance major, can I use my 529 account for your bail?
Purse pizza: the pizza you buy before the club, and you eat on the train home. I thought you knew me by now!
I had to convince someone last night that the fact that he couldn't get me off wasn't him it was me and to clarify I had to tell him there was only. One person that got me off every time without fail, he said "that guy is my hero" you should be proud
We went rollerblading down high street singing "Free Falling"in ketchup and mustard costumes. A car full of guys drove by and yelled out their window "Need a hot dog with that?!" Naturally, we woke up at their apartment.
I need to have sex. It's becoming like a matter of public safety.
What eyeshadow color says "yes I am at the dentist, and yes I am hungover please don't judge my life choices"
He's not drinking on his 21st. Shooting vodka infused Nerf bullets at him would just make a mess and I don't want to be a creep and spike anything... I don't understand awkward boys
Threw up in hyvee parking lot. Thanksgiving shopping complete.
I can already feel the hangover I'll be having on New Year's Day. I don't know if I'm prepared for this.
How is there a hawk inside this house? More importantly how the hell is he handling it without any gear?
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