how do you tell a roommate that having sex on your bottom bunk is not appropriate even if she has a top bunk that's hard to climb to?
dude, boobs are like the porridge in goldylocks
He choked me out. i woke up to poo. I dont think i like S&M
my bedside table was not meant to hold this many beer bottles.
she said she was gay. i said prove it. she said "ok i wont fuck you"
I fucked her while she was wearing her boyfriends dogtags. I'm officially a bad american
I have more bruises, scratches, and overall soreness from my birthday weekend than my car accident.
Apparently I mistakenly called the hair club for men at 3am... they called me back this morning.
She looked at me and said "i like penises." and then passed out with her condom balloon animal in her hands.
God dammit not the cupcake channel. Not when I'm high.
We just stood there eating chocolate chip pancakes, watching you sleep on the bathroom floor.
Idk I'm sorry it's weird to ask for testimonials on your penis
The hat, the beard, the hard posing - like who does he think he is?
A bag of dicks
That's dating life
God I love dating single dads. They've got their shit at least a little bit together and there's always snacks after sex. #nakedfruitrollups
I have been adopted by a clan of drunken skinny dipping tourists.
Randomize
