my friend just told me "I dunno what u r doing but keep doing it cuz it makes u look fabulous"
LOL that's cool. Guess u r gonna have to keep doing me
What kind of flower means "I want to have unprotected sex with you, preferably from behind?" because thats the message I'd really like to send on Valentines Day
Let's have a moment of silence for the guinea pig that drunk chick threw out our window.
How long is a courtesy make out supposed to last??
oh, you know. just sitting in my bed high as fuck wearing a windbreaker and watching british tv.
This is a mass text. First one to reply gets head.
Before anyone claims this, this chick is in my boyfriend's phone as "Worst BJ EVER!"
Does that mean you're calling dibs or can I?
Yeah i was handcuffed to the bed all night but i actually slept like a baby
All right, sex is off the menu for you. Now you just get friendship. So I can spend marginally less time being annoyed by you.
Two of my roommates are waxing their vaginas in the living room. Can I come smoke?
After the first time we had sex he kept saying "I'm proud of you" over and over again
I just had sex a few hours ago now i'm eating frozen yogurt making sex plans for tonight while catching Pokémon. What a time to be alive.
If y'all wanna know how far the apple fell from the tree I'm sexting during Easter service. Mom would be so proud 😳
Of course my parents remember you. You showed them your tits
Getting a smaller wine glass hasn’t changed the amount I drink—it just means I get more steps each day. Cheers to health!
Hot fire fighters installing my closet. Don't know how to go about this. Gonna nonchalantly take my shirt off and see what happens..
Randomize
