cruising supermarkets, asking random people where i can get weed. fuck alaska
I finally beat you i just fucked my professor last night!!!\n\n
sry, psychiatrist trumps professor
While he was going down his phone rang and he answered saying I'll call you later I'm eating.
He's taking me to Burger King to celebrate losing my virginity..
Your philanthropic work just got me laid, thanks dad for naming me #2.
I may be new to bar life, but full on grabbing my vag shouldn't happen...anywhere.
The dumpster is full of naked people swimming. I'm going to join.
It sounds like I am drunk, but I am not. I just have a concussion.
Btw, do you want me to fix this with a box of wine and a chick flick or is this more of a 'lets head to the strip club' problem? I'm just trying to analyze the emotional depth of the situation.
I just picked up a hitchhiker so karma will be on our side this weekend. Hahahahahaha
No.
You kept trying to make cocktails with my protein powder last night...
I burned myself with a joint twice in one sitting I have to say that's a new record for the least number of times I have hurt myself while smoking.
I just my had my first cup of coffee in a week. I think I might orgasm.
I've never been so drunk at home. I just sat on the toilet playing with toilet paper for ten minutes, I almost made a paper crane.
i'm in a very strange mood rn i'm listening to bruno mars??? am i ok????
Randomize
