If you had to guess, would you say that as a species, midgets are more or less flammable than humans?
Less. Duh. They have less combustible mass.
he invited me to an all week drinking party at his house. apparently he knows the key to my heart is booze shaped.
He just stood there...Helen Keller and I could have had a more interesting conversation
i'm watching the draft and making cookies. how am i still single?
Had to use the product locator on on the four loko website to find them at home. Got to go in the backroom of a grocery store to get them. Dedication.
shut up i haven't hooked up with anyone since 45 minutes ago
I just found puke in my bra..
You do realize that we got a stripper to do the YMCA for us on the main stage... Right?
Your lack of great college experience of margaritas and foam parties scares me
My car smells like beer, you're here in spirit
When do you sleep by the way. I was surprised when I went to work at 1 am,left at 7 am and had a text from you somewhere in between
I just vodka nap now...
It's official. I'm gonna fuck hot art class guy. But this won't be like hot Samsung guy. I'm gonna make sure I follow through this time.
Dude, he wouldn't have sex with me during halftime cause we were rooting for different teams and that would be "bad juju", I had to settle for 69.
All I've had to eat today are potatoes...and by that I mean vodka and chips
The bouncer said the club was at capacity we couldnt get in till ppl left all three of them pulled their tits out we got complimentary bottle service never under estimate women
Randomize