I might be drunk enough to make out with you. You don't want to miss this unique opportunity.
Just saw an ad for "Liver-aid" how has this not become a life changing drug for millions?
my underwear are soaked with white zifandel yet i have continued to wear them despite the fact im at home
i think you broke pat's ankle when you drove over it... he's freaking out but on a more serious note i'm 99% sure i saw a werewolf
while you laid on the ground I poured water into your mouth out of dog bowl some random guy walks by and said now that's what I like to see.
Don't byou dare ruin egg salad by putting your penis in it that would be so sad.
I vaguely remember trying to exfoliate my face with your leg hair. Sorry about that.
You were walking around in your swim suit, an open robe, snow boots and a death grip on that handel of captain morgan.
Is it possible to just pretend that everything we did after grilling up your goldfish didn't happen?
But he has cupcakes AND I'm guaranteed an orgasm. .. I feel like I shouldn't even have to actually make a decision here.
So far I've taken two naps, went out and bought a pizza called the Hipster, and in 15 min I'm gonna make a snow angel. Conquering Snowlandia. How bout you?
Apparently it's not a "bonding moment" when you realize you use the same porn site as your boyfriend
I swear to fucking god if he takes away netflix I will have no problem sending his gf our sex videos
the hot lifeguard just pulled a McDonald's cheeseburger out of her fanny pack.
Oh yeah, it was definitely the best sex of my life, I just don't think I can fix the kitchen table before my parents get back...
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