we were taking shots of hot tequila, which is even worse than it sounds
While in Europe, he bought me a pouring tap to put on my liquor so I don't spill. This means 2 things.1) He really loves me. 2) I'm a noticeable alcoholic.
I meant to tell you earlier: bad life decision saturday has been moved wednesday this week
the elusive kegmastree, who's mystery is only exceeded by it's power
Ok seriously I'm living off of bologna but I have 4 handles in the freezer.
You fell asleep with your fingers in my vagina. You made this a relationship.
The cab driver doesn't know where we can find an empire state building shaped dildo either!? What is wrong with NYC!?
We team puked and then made sex like wild monkeys. If that isn't love, I don't know what is.
He ran into the surf holding up a cigarette yelling "let the Olympic games begin!" So no, no vodka left.
While we were having sex he asked me if I wanted to get wingstop after. I think I found my future husband.
Stop leaving buckets of wine at my house.
THIS IS SO HOT. BYE PANTIES.
You threw up with such class too! Tiara and all.
Had sex on the beach last night with a drug dealer. win-win-win situation
the people in front of me have a grocery cart in their car... i missed college...
Randomize
