first i yelled "you cant get it up?" and then in the middle of it i opened a Corona
I asked her if she had any t-shirts of bands that didn't suck. I got a Sublime shirt and my answer.
we'll penetrate his innocence with our dicks
im sorry but my first introduction to your dick isn't going to be a pic sent from the men's room
Girl just texted me a pic of her boobs with the caption "don't think I'm a whore"
There is an old man sitting across from me. Phone rang and his ringtone is children giggling, I'm not safe here.
Last night at the bar my fuck buddies found out about each other.
Wtf? What happened?
Not quite sure but they rock, paper, scissored to see who was taking me home.
I think misery doesn't even think of me as company anymore. I'm an unofficial roommate.
She was giving me great head...... until I asked her how much this was going to cost.... she left abruptly
You were pissed we didn't change the movie to Eurotrip so you kept singing "Scotty Doesn't Know" over and over until you passed out.
Saturday dinner is funfetti cake and merlot. Singlehood has come to this.
Ran out of plates, so I'm using my sociology notes. Looks like they will finally have a practical use.
May or may not have just put tequila in my special "kids+" orange juice fortified with vitamins a, b, c, d, e, and now t.
Her blowjob technique? Picture someone attempting to drink a triple thick milkshake through a Capri Sun straw.
I’m not saying you’re wrong, I’m just saying he’s denying what you’re saying.
Randomize