I was taking a piss and started puking. I pissed myself and made a mess in the bathroom. Passed out, then got up and went back out from 11pm to 5am.
I changed 4 diapers and slept horribly in our hot apt. Now, I'm at my inlaws house watching the Rangers get pummeled. Oh how our lives differ.
I am SOOO high
tell me about your high
HUGE THUMBTACKS
i'm so high that my cigarette just tasted like chef boyardee. no lie.
Any time you start making pro wrestling references before 10 PM I know that I'm breaking up a fight between you and some muscled up frat boy you call Hogan.
his tattoo said carpe diem which i thought was ironic considering his epilepsy
I miss being able to drink at 11am just cause it was sunny outside.
apparently the bartender would rather give me free shots than tell me that my whole nipple piercing was hanging out
just got the results back. i love his dick even more now i know its clean
I thought 4 percs were too many but I'm dumping Gogurt on apple pie and taking giant bong rips. This feels right.
hes supposed to be my fuck buddy. im not supposed to see him on his knees praying by my bed when i walk into my room.
I will not remember tonight for the most part. This text will be evidence. You can and probably will use this against me.
answer my text you professional douchebag
and i mean that in the cutest, flirtiest way possible
I have banged to "The Emperor's New Groove" way more than could possibly be reasonable.
I have hit the ultimate fuck buddy status. We pulled over in a construction zone to have a quickie.
You can help me! We'll make an occasion of it. Have some rum, make some smores, condemn the email system to the pits of hell...
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