the only good thing about these hospital visits are the free pregnancy tests
The woman at the nail salon waxing my lip just showed me the strip with all the hair on it while smirking. Apparenltly 'you have a stache' can be communicated through a language barrier.
I think we need to find a happy medium between fried food and dicks. This could end badly.
I've started bribing my dorm's security guard with cookies so that he doesn't tell all the boys i'm hooking up with about each other.
My dad just gifted me an alaskan flag he stole from the govenor's mansion. He said it was to hang on the wall at 3316, to start a morning ritual. Then he mimed kegstands and vomiting. Senior year will be epic.
I have the coolest burn here. Everyone is taking my picture. I'm like a celebrity of the burn victims.
By this time tomorrow I expect us to be sitting at the kitchen table either playing a drinking game, or crying. Set an alarm
Spending 4 hours in the emergency room today tells me that your birthday party was a success.
She had her pubic hair down there shaved into the superman s............. Best one night stand ever.
Is it too early in the day to ask a nipple-related question?
I knew I'd like her from the moment she supported me messing around with my co-worker on my lunch break
Apparently today is power bottom appreciation day
Bruh. He just said the words "cyber sex"-is it 1999?
I have to charm this cab driver. Hold on.
Tell me you're alive little brother. And please tell me you didn't get arrested. You made no fucking sense last night in your random texts and pictures you were sending me.
Randomize