A few issues tonight. 1) Drunk since 1pm. 2) At the bar at 4pm. 3) James brought his sister, who has enormous breasts, isnt shy about cleavage, obviously slutty, and makes me want to do things that would even have Atheists sending me to hell. However, she's wearing glitter, so all Im thinking about is Edward Cullen. Go ahead and rip up my Man Card.
get home. someone threw up in the fishtank last night.
I dont think a "sorry ive slept with most of your teammates" text will do much
And im sorry for wishing your girlfriend gets genital warts.
he stopped midthrust to put on his sex playlist and the first song was 'can you feel the love tonight'
where do you find these guys?
I'm spoon feeding myself tequila for breakfast, should we skip class today?
I always forget that visiting my hometown is like a who's who of ugly people.
I've officially done it all, fucked a girl wearing a twister board. ABC parties are amazing!
I wonder what chicks would think if they learned that when we add them on fb we email their bikini pics to each other.
We boned on a bench in a park, french people were walking by cheering us on. Totally acceptable
I just washed out an empty chocolate milk bottle to take whiskey on my bike ride.
You are not an adult
I'm a drunk white girl and my ancestors were drunk white girls, if we apologized our species would be extinct.
I THINK it was the lead singer. Whoever he was, I have his number and his dick was pierced.
It was totally the lead singer.
So how do I get back in good graces for trying to trade you for superbowl tickets?
You hit your head and proceeded to fall in the floor, curl up in my lap and make me rock you like a small infant. I was beginning to worry until you started to sing "Rock me momma like a wagon wheel".
Randomize
